first letter to the babies

i've seen and stumbled upon so many letters that moms write to their babies when they're pregnant and for so many years i would read these and smile.  and then i would go into a tail spin of tears.  i wanted that love feeling so bad. i wanted that baby so bad. i wanted that tummy so so bad.

and then God decided, in His perfect timing (yes, i am aware it is much easier to say in hindsight) that He would bless us with not one, but two little miracles.

so here i am, sitting here this morning on this cloudy and rainy day and all i can think about is becoming a momma.  and these little angels.  and how much i can't wait to meet them . . .
. . . and talk to them.

so i figured i would give it a shot and write them their first letter. i still have some of the letters my mom wrote to me before she died, and let me tell you something: i cherish them. i read them, and re-read them.  i hold them by my heart when i am missing her.  and i am so very thankful she wrote down her words for me to have forever.

one day, i hope these two will cherish my words like i cherish my mom's.  and maybe it'll show them a little more about me. and how deeply and unconditionally and insanely . . . they are already loved.

* * * * * *

good morning my little angel babies!

did you know that since i saw you for the first time, alive, well, kicking and moving around last week, i wake up every single morning and smile thinking about you?

it's true. i do.

and i think, wow, we're one day closer to your arrival into this great big world and our teeny tiny, blessed home.

you are already bringing such feelings of joy and hope and excitement to your dad and i. we talk about you everyday. your dad kisses my belly and says, 'good morning babies!' and then rubs your little souls with his gentle hand.

and then he picks some music for the morning to play on his radio for you to listen to (i really hope at least one of you falls in love with music! because your daddy will be so ecstatic to share that special bond, i think he might even do a cartwheel).

i've tried to keep myself busy throughout the day finishing projects around the house (we had our first ever garage sale last weekend, are cleaning the basement, re-decorating the main bathroom [Your bathroom], eventually will do your room and a couple tid bits of things here and there).  i think keeping myself busy preparing our home for your arrival lets me think that i'll worry less about the home and more about spending every single second admiring you two.

at least that is what i hope.

because you'll soon learn something about your momma that is one of my strengths...but definitely one of my weaknesses too: i am an organized, neat freak.

*gasp*

but don't worry, my priorities are straight and when you arrive...you will become my morning, noon and night and we will enjoy our minutes and hours together.  and one day, i hope you'll turn up the music that you've grown (or been born loving) to love and we'll dance our way around the house, dusting, vacuuming, cleaning and organizing....and you'll begin to appreciate how very much it helps our home run smoothly. ;)

you are 20 weeks littles ones.  and even though the doctors are pushing you to stay put in that little space in my tummy until 36 weeks, they also tell us to, "be ready (meaning bags packed, cribs up, etc) at 28 weeks and on.  I know!  that is a difference between meeting you two months from now . . .
. . . or four months from now.

and as much as i'd love to meet you in 8 short weeks (time flies little ones), i am hoping for your sweet selves that your guardian angels keep you tucked and cozy in there for at least four.

i want you healthy!  and ready to come home as soon as you can.

so i promise to keep walking and staying healthy.
i promise to keep rubbing oil on my belly to absorb so it can stretch as far as it needs to for your comfort.
i promise to eat less sugar and more fruit, nutritious meals and drink gobs and gobs of water.
i promise to try to conquer these hormones and keep my heart beating regularly for your peace of mind.

i promise to do everything in my power to assist in yours. but most importantly, i promise to pray each and every day for you.  for thanksgiving and gratitude for your lives. for your safe keeping and well being.  for your current and future days.

i am filled with a love for you that i only hope will shine through when we meet. because if you can hear my heartbeat now little ones, i hope that sound stays with you forever and ever.  because it will only get louder and more consistent.  and those pulses already . . . beat for you both.  harder and softer and louder than they ever have before.  

xo