I love him . . .

and them of course! :) 

 I am one blessed lady.  

And I will never ever...take a moment of it for granted. 

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my 2013 desires of my heart

:: to continue to be more present.  set aside the phone, shut down the computer, turn off the television, let the phone calls go to voice mail ....and enjoy my babies, my husband, my animals and all that God has given me. pick one day a week where all technology is turned off (except for Pandora radio of course).

:: listen.  silence my mind. and listen.  listen to others, to my friends, to my family, to my daughters coos, to my husband's words, to those i don't care for, to those i admire. to God.  listen and see what is revealed.  i think i spend too much time talking and not enough listening. i spend too much time praying and not enough time waiting.  i want to learn to be patient and hear not only God speak to me, but see what i can learn while listening to others.

:: Be spontaneous.  i used to live more freely and be more of a care-free spirit, but since my brother died, i've noticed i'm a little more reserved and a lot less spontaneous. i travel away from home less. i spend money more tightly. and i plan more.  i want to keep planning, and definitely be conscientious of my decisions, but i want to live on a whim, dance in the middle of the street, travel more, laugh more and play more.  and decide, last minute, to do something different than i had planned. 

:: Give with a purpose.  and do it twice a month. make a meal for someone who just needs a break.  send a care package to a friend i actually see but maybe needs to be reminded she's loved.  call someone and ask if i can help them watch their kids, run an errand, organize something.  teach these daughters of mine about serving others out of genuine care - no thank you or expectation in return.

:: Fall in love with exercising again.  sign up for a 5k with a purpose (runs for charity in honor of mom or jason).  walk/run each day with the girls so they learn to love to be outside and be healthy.  exercise because you know it makes your mind calmer and your anxieties lessen. it gives you energy and clearer thought processes.  exercise because it's just as important to care for your insides as your out. 

::  Be true to yourself.  write all the time, even if it scares you.  don't be afraid to be vulnerable.  speak truth in your writing even if your voice/fingers shake. take a chance at it!  don't be afraid of what others think all the time.  be kind, serve others, but live for your family.  invest into people who every time you leave, you feel better and invest less into those you don't. gain confidence and know that God has your back. pause more frequently and pray more diligently.  then listen. you'll know what to do. 

now bring on the new year and live it with purpose!  i can't wait to see what's in store!!! 

what are some of your new year's resolutions, goals and hopes for yourself? 

MERRY CHRISTMAS !!

We pray your days are filled with jingle bells & angels singing.

With Love, 

Alan, Jaclyn, Maelyn & Svea 

Eve, Ivy, Patience, Willow & Harley too 

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1 month

 Maelyn (left) & Svea (right) 

:: still can't believe these are our babies & there isn't a day that goes by where i don't thank God for the gift of them 

:: breastfeeding twins is quite the undertaking! i am so thankful my body is able to do so, but have to admit, i spend all of my days in our comfy rocker chair in their nursery, feeding one, trying to keep the other calm, then feeding the other....and repeating the steps.  i would love to tandem and have attempted multiple times, but we have a little 'latch issue' with our sweet maelyn so for right now, it's one after the other

:: sleep is non-existant and i am amazed at God's grace when he sustains me through this...gifting me an overflowing heart of thanksgiving for the ability to stay up at night and nourish and love on His two miracles 

:: life outside of our home is none but to be honest, it's just how i like it! i am fearful i'm becoming a hermit because my desire to leave or see anyone is zero....but hope that it's just due to the fact that i know my responsibility right now is to care for my newbies

:: blessings have been showered upon us continually and i have to admit, the meals that people are providing have done wonders for our soul, our minds and our stress.  i love to cook, but taking that pressure off of me to plan meals & grocery trips has been HUGE. Thank you God for the gift of friends and loved ones who take the time to make a meal for us to enjoy in the evenings...it is wonderful. 

:: animals have been awesome, and by awesome, i mean uberly fantastically awesome.  i have the two greatest dogs in the world who have patience, concern, protection, and love for these babies already. i plan on doing a whole post just about them. 

:: marriage has been growing and stretched and growing some more. it's amazing how much survival mode can take away from one another, how frustrated you can become with the one person you love ridiculously because of sleep deprivation and at the same time, how much your heart can grow in love with them when you peek across the room and see them rocking your children and caring for these innocent souls the way you would.  i am growing more in love with my husband every single day. 

:: self care is none.  and this is definitely one area that i am okay with sacrificing for now, but may need to schedule it in every once in awhile.  like go get a hair cut at the hair salon.  or maybe start running again.  showering! i need to start making time each day to shower! how wonderful my soul feels when i shower!  

the list could go on and on...but i just wanted to write a few of the things down that i want to remember and smile about, capture in words for eternity and create into my own little journal of memories.  since all moms know, the memory is definitely minimal these days. ;) 

and for your enjoyment; we had pictures taken by a friend last week and i am in love with them.  hope they bring a smile to your face as well!! :) 

happy birthday to my love. . .

dear alan  

from the first days of our infertility journey, to the first night running back and forth (literally) to the NICU to visit our sweet Svea and then back to me & Maelyn. . . 

to the glorifying our God, crying and loving on our two little miracles . . . 

... and through the sleepless nights and days where you snuggle them on your chest, sometimes bare and sometimes not . . .

...and for all the days in between 14 years ago when we first met to today,  THANK YOU.

You gave me a new hope for love.   You gave me new hope for a future filled with dreams coming true and saying hello instead of goodbye.

You gave me our little miracles.  And all the love we feel when we look at them ... times that by a thousand, because that is how much I have and will always love you. Always.

You are my favorite man on this earth, and one of my greatest blessings ever.

God has been so good to me.

Happy Birthday lover.

Love all your girls (Fur babies & non-fur babies)

Eve, Ivy, Patience, Willow, Harley --- Svea & Maelyn  xo xo

They're here!

With gratitude and joy, we introduce our miracle daughters: 

Svea Jason-Fay (right)  &  Maelyn Piper (left) 

Born Monday, November 19, 2012

6:24 & 6:25

5 lbs. 14.5 oz. & 5 lbs.  13 oz.

18 inches long  & 18.5 inches long 

Everything went perfectly!

Prayers were answered. 

Peace was present. 

 We are in awe of God's mercy upon our family, 

 soaking up and absorbing every second of their little lives. 

And of course, 

falling more and more in love. 

More to come. . . 

patience . . .

dear babies, 

it's surreal to think that within the next two weeks, you will be making your appearance into this world and we will be weeping tears of joy as we thank God for your beautiful selves! 

your dad and i are trying so hard to be patient...but these last few days have been tough.  i have not been able to sleep more than 35 minutes at a time and have been fighting a nasty chest cold which causes me to cough till my lungs hurt and your poor dad wakes up thinking i'm choking. 

i keep trying to tell the dr. that my body is revolting, that you both have simply run out of room and that it is time to meet you!!!! 

she just smiles and tells me to hang on a little longer. 

oh heavens. 

but then i remember; we hung onto the hope of having you for seven, yes, seven long winters and hot summers and dark nights filled with bits of sunshine here and there...seven tax seasons and seven thanksgivings, seven christmas' and seven birthdays for each of us.  seven calendars filled with anticipation of the next month's possibility and the 'what-if's.'  seven calendars of new years, new beginnings and so many awesome and painful and powerful lessons that were taught to us.  

we waited through all of that.  

always wondering. 

always dreaming, 

and always wishing you into existence....

and we cannot even imagine how great this day (that will be here sooner than we know it), is going to to end up. 

i have a feeling it is going to sweep us off of our feet.  

and our God will end up surprising us again. 

blessing our mind's eye, 

knocking the wind out of our expectations with you both. 

because what we dream of, what we think you'll look like and act like and even become, 

....is not even half as great and beautiful and awesome 

as He already has planned for you. 

and how stinkin' cool is that?! 

so, whenever you're ready;

we are trying to be ready. 

and so are you friends and your family and your family-friends and your friends that are family. 

they all love you too. 

and can't wait to meet you. 

you are two lucky little beings i tell ya.  coming into a world full of open arms and eagerness for your arrival, ready to care and pray over and shower you with excitement and hopefulness of your future. 

it is overwhelming how loved you already are.  

and i think our hearts are going to burst when you arrive. 

we're as ready as we think we can be. 

and we can't wait for you to come. 

so any day now little ones, 

we are trying so hard to be patient . . . . 

love, 

mom & dad 

eve, ivy, patience, willow & harley too 

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