day16

the writing journey continues and day 16's topic is something difficult in your life and how you're trying to overcome it.

hmmm....
this one is tough for me. i don't feel like i want to dwell on the past seasons of death, infertility, divorce, etc.  i feel as though each of those seasons was and is so important in the constant building and rebuilding of who God wants me to be, continue to be, change and grow into.

but, writing these daily topics is meant for us to be honest right?  so i'm going to be.

the thing i struggle with and have a difficult time 'overcoming' per say is the loss of both my mom and brother.

it's interesting because i've officially lived longer without my mom than with her, but since these babies were born, i probably miss her more now than ever too.

and my brother, well, we had the typical brother-sister relationship.  i annoyed him. he frustrated me.  but we were each other's allies and each other's confidants.  we just got each other, what it was like to miss our mom and how difficult some of our dad's decisions were to live with.

and the girls, i miss them not knowing or seeing their uncle every day.  because he was that kind of uncle.

present.
loyal.
loving.
and there.

i know that they are 'there in spirit,' i know that i will teach my girls about them.
i know that every time i look at little maelyn, i think she is his daughter...because she looks exactly like her uncle jason.
i know that svea's middle name: jason-fay represents her grandmother and uncle and she will have that forever.

but i also know not having either of them here, to walk this journey with me, is probably my toughest 'lot' i'm dealing with.

and each day, i am dealing with it.  grieving it.  celebrating them.
and trying to figure out how the rest of the days are going to go . . .
. . . without two of my favorite people in them.

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