nursery progress . . .

the cribs are up and the nursery is about 50% complete. mattresses have even been shipped! 

it's official.  we are entering our last trimester and the arrival of these two miracles is fast approaching. i can hardly believe it to be honest. 

i think i resisted putting together their nursery (or even buying cribs for that matter) because i felt like i was gonna 'jinx' us.  i know it sounds silly and even ridiculous.  but the reality i have to believe for every pregnant woman is that you're never really 100% at peace, until you hold that baby (or babies) in your arms.  and when you add a loss, or losses, miscarriage, infertility, whatever one's past road has been, it sometimes gets the better part of your mind and you find yourself having to stay present and grateful.  you have to force the gift to sink in: the gift of each day given in a healthy pregnancy.  

I am still learning that.  but my hope is on fire and i am randomly wondering into their room and picturing myself picking them up from their crib with their sleepy, swollen faces and kissing their plump cheeks, smelling their baby smells and holding them to my heart. 

 thank you, God, for the gift of them in my womb.  

 ... and for the dreams of tomorrow with them.  

each day, i am believing a little more. . . 

left to do is: 

** purchase a rocking chair/recliner that both the mr. and i can comfortably enjoy 

** finish painting/staining their dresser 

** hang the wall art/photos

** organize their shelves/closets/dresser drawers

** enjoy the room before their arrival! 

><>

for today . . .

i am loving learning to be still. i am loving learning to wait (yes, this contradicts itself to a year ago, but we grow, right?!). I am loving learning to be extremely present and take in the beauty, the moments of grace, the gift of quiet.

and when i stumbled upon this site, i knew i had to immediately link up.  it encourages all of the above, and then to write it down.  because don't ya think there is something to that?  to the writing down?  once it's written down, there is something that happens to your brain that allows it to soak in.

nourish your brain.  and your soul. and breathe in the moment.

and then life is filled with a beauty and peace that is so captivating, you want to revisit it time and time
and time again.

i think i will do this again. and again.

especially when i become a mama.

because that is a bit of my fear: that being a mama will absorb every single second of my day.  and even though i'm eagerly waiting for it; i may not force myself to stop and breathe it in.

i want to breathe in life and all that is happening around me.

because that is where the beauty lies.  the truth is revealed.  the peace pursues you.  and all is made well with your soul again.

it's that feeling.   and the feeling is so, so intoxicating.
i just love it.

so here i go, first step at journaling it; and many more to come . . .

outside my window...

grey skies. green grass. wet pavement. 

i am thinking...

of cool fall nights and autumn leaves. and everything we are anticipating happening this Fall.  

i am thankful...

for the lives growing inside of me. for a growing belly. for the journey leading up to these days. 

in the kitchen...

getting ready to head there. and make my homemade chicken salad for dinner with a dear family tonight.  

i am wearing...

one of the few items left that fit me. pajama bottoms and a comfy, over-sized grey long sleeved shirt.

i am creating...

a "please wash your hands" sign for our bathroom re-design and a "please take off your shoes" for our front entrance.

i am going...

to take my time today.  this weekend was busy.  and i am tired. 

i am wondering...
how to be more creative in my writing pursuit and how to be more disciplined in blogging.  because i'm really enjoying it.

i am reading...

everything baby.  breastfeeding. sleeping schedules. magazines. articles. & anything else that comes our way.

i am hoping...

that my anxieties disappear soon. i don't speak of them often, but i do internalize many a fears. 

i am looking forward to...

buying our cribs in the next couple of weeks & organizing the nursery. i am addicted to organizing. 

i am learning around the house...

that the to-do list is never ending.  to do what i can. and to let the rest go. 

i am pondering...

why my garden doesn't do well every year. maybe my 'green thumb' never really existed. :(

a favorite quote for today...
"There are far far better things ahead, than any we leave behind."  -C.S. Lewis 

one of my favorite things...

mornings like today. Eve, Ivy & Harley all snuggling with me in bed while I write. Lamp lit and blankets all around.

a few plans for the rest of the week...

paint second coat of nursery walls. meeting my friend's baby for the first time! car shopping. yoga. first neighborhood block party. 

and finally,

a peek into my day...

 :: painting second coat onto nursery walls ::

:: a lazy and beautiful morning of writing, reading & enjoying the quiet :: 

you should try it!
go for it . . . 

"It is not happy people who are thankful. 

 It is thankful people who are happy." 

-unknown

"shower by mail"

my handsome mr. came inside from gathering the mail yesterday and had a large brown box in his hands.   my first assumption was that it was from his work, as his office is in our basement and he receives daily packages/shipments/misc stuff.

he proceeded to come closer to me, set it on the counter and say, "this is for you, from ....."  which was a distant family-friend from my childhood who lives in minnesota.   my heart skipped a little beat and i was eagerly excited to open this big brown box (who doesn't love receiving boxes in the mail with surprises?).

on the top of the tissue lay a yellow card with my name on it and as i proceeded to open it, i could feel this warm wave of emotions run through me and my eyes fill with tears.  i then opened the card and got no further than the right bottom of the inside card filled with a list of four very special women's names, and the flood gates opened.  so much so, i couldn't even finish reading their individual words to me as my eyes were pouring out liquid drops.  thick, cloudy, heavy drops.

"alan, these are ladies i didn't even invite to my upcoming shower, so they didn't even know our needs," i stated.   he listened as i explained who each of them were (him having only met one of them, my Godmother, who attended our wedding) as i reminisced about their imprints they made in my younger life years.

he then asked quietly, "how did they know we were even pregnant?"

yes, it's that social media we call, "facebook."  i am 'friends' with my Godfather who must have told his wife who told the rest of the ladies.

and then i started crying some more.

alan sat there and watched me, a small smile on his face and stated, "babe, you're okay, this is a generous gift from some special women in your life."  I smiled and said back, "i know babe, i know. i'm just overwhelmed with the generous hearts of four women who i haven't seen in years."

You see, these women gathered together and sent what they called a "shower by mail" filled with gifts for our two miracle twins.  Fun, bright, neutral colors and gifts of fuzzy blankets, soft crib sheets, squishy wrist rattles, cozy sleepers, sweet bath towels and much more.

but the thing that got me, was not even the generosity of the gifts they sent, but the reasons behind why they sent this package.

the love they are already sending towards our unborn children.
the love they are sending to a family (me & alan) they haven't made eye contact with in probably over ten years.
the time it took for them to shop, wrap, write and ship this package.

but most of all, the tugging that their hearts must have felt towards our little family that led them to do so, by an awesome God.

i think it may have taken me 30 minutes to open this box because i had to keep stopping to wipe away the tears that flowed from my face.

and i know it may have been slightly due to my hormonal and pregnant state.  but in all reality, i know genuinely, it was more from my heart's gratitude towards women who have such a special place in my memory and my heart from my childhood.   a place filled with a whole family where my mom and brother still walk this earth.  a place where i ran recklessly and carelessly through life, loving the days and hours we spent with them.   a place that can only bring a warm smile to my mind's eye and my soul's longing.

i am still in such awe at this blessing.  i am in awe because there is such a part of me that is struggling with how much God is blessing myself and this family. i am humbled because i know my sinful self does not deserve this magnitude of gifts.

...but...

i am learning to receive each one with an open heart and one filled with complete amazement.

and some laughter.

why laughter?

because when the tears flow, they flow freely and recklessly.  and my handsome mr. just smiles and puts his arms around me...
and giggles.

and yesterday, as i finished opening up the package with him and looked at even his face filled with disbelief and thankfulness, he smiled and said, "you aren't gonna make it through your shower ya know."  


"I know," I said.  "I'm doomed." 


his response,   "maybe you shouldn't wear any eye makeup."

Gosh I love him.

><>