a high profile celebrity (we shall name her Karen due to my memory not always being 100% accurate & for fear of the law-suits that might follow if my version of the story ever goes viral) Karen, and her personal trainer/nutritionist (we shall name him a pseudo one as well) Jim, had just met.
Karen had always struggled with weight management and nutrition. Jim, was an expert. an up and coming expert. not quite known to the world per-say, but definitely known in the nutritionist/motivational/personal-trainer world (a.k.a. celebrity world).
Karen, who happened to be, let's just say, one of the most influential women in the world, got wind of Jim and was eager to see if he could help her in her dreams of becoming healthy. So they met.
And started a business relationship.
Karen would meet with Jim weekly and he would not only work out with her, but talk through her week, her foods, recommendations, etc. He was becoming important to Karen because as she followed his encouraging ways, she was, indeed, noticing a difference in her life-style and her approach to food and exercise.
The only catch was that Jim had other clients and his time was spent trying to help many people. He couldn't soley depend on Karen's business, no matter who she was, nor did he really want to. Karen, being the busy and highly sought after individual, didn't really take into consideration that Jim had other folks he was also helping.
So she would show up late for appointments, cancel the day of, and basically just felt her time was probably (& maybe in her eyes) more important than his.
This frustrated Jim. He couldn't keep pushing back his other clients because this one MAJOR one was always late. He couldn't keep re-scheduling his days and happenings around Karen. Yes, she would and could make or break his career. Yes, she had the power to influence the world into loving him if his name was ever exposed that she worked with him. Yes, she could make him a multi-millionaire.
But Jim didn't care. Well, he wasn't working with her for that reason.
He was working with her because he cared about her health and he was hoping to help her discover and take back her life and feelings towards food and exercise.
And he loved his other clients as well, celebrity and non-celebrity status. Their health and wellness was also super important to him.
So the day came when Jim had had enough. Karen arrived late for her appointment again. Jim had a busy day himself. Karen didn't need to know the details of his day, but she did need to be made aware that his day was not going to keep being impacted by her self-focused schedule.
So he told her. He, politely, and seriously, told Karen the following:
"karen, you cannot keep being late to your appointments. you cannot keep canceling the day of, and you cannot expect me to be at your beckon call. yes, i know who you are and i am very aware of how important your time and schedule is. you influence more than those around you, you influence the world. however, if you cannot start showing up on time for your appointments, keeping your appointments and valuing my time as much as i am expected to value yours, then this working relationship will have to end."
and this is where he said it, this is the statement that sticks with me. knowing far too well that Karen had the power to damage his reputation (not that she would, she wasn't that kind of woman) but knowing that she also had the money and influence to assist his expertise, he didn't seem to care. because this next statement he made to her, showed me the kind of man HE was and that all that mattered was he was going to defend & call out the right from the wrong...no matter who he was dealing with. so he ended the conversation with this:
"karen, my time is JUST AS important as your time. and i want you to remember that. i value my precious minutes and hours the same way you do yours. "
the story ends with Karen being taken back but processing Jim's comment and statement to her over the next few days and coming to some awareness that she had not sent him the message that she valued his time as much as she did her own. it taught her a life-long lesson. and she changed her ways.
Karen and Jim remain dear dear friends to this day. they collaborate on many business adventures and karen did end up telling the world about her dear friend. she even shared this story, making herself vulnerable to the criticism, but knowing that if she could swallow her pride and hear the true message, hopefully others would too.
I tell this story because it is one of my favorites. And it is one of my favorites for so many reasons.
i also tell this story because one of my own life-lessons from my therapist as of late has been the following:
If you don't tell people your expectations, you are not being fair to them in your own disappointments.
In other words, i cannot expect people to value my time if i allow them to not value my time, or tell them how important it is to me.
i cannot expect my family members to know my needs & desires, if i do not share them.
i cannot expect boundaries to be respected....
if i have not clearly explained or put in place, what those boundaries are.
Bam!
i am learning a lot i tell ya!
and a lot of my learning is how i (emphasis I) need to better my communication. to not be afraid to speak up. to tell others when i am hurt. and to expect "i'm sorry's" "thank you" and "forgive me" just as much as they expect it from me.
i am gaining not only awareness of my own imperfections, but gratitude towards my tough lessons. my hearts hurting moments. i am appreciating the broken heartedness that others have, shall i say, 'caused' me. those broken heart moments and seasons didn't only teach me then, they are teaching me now...and i am taking it all with me.
i am also trying to gain courage. the courage to, like said above, speak up, put my foot down and even write my stories. because if they are teaching me....then maybe the hard truths will teach others?
i can only hope.
Jim hoped. and it didn't only enhance his friendship with Karen. his courage taught probably a world of individuals about valuing others time management.
i am one of them.
i will leave you with a quote a good friend sent to me yesterday that i am loving. i am not loving it for its fear factor, but its truth factor. i am not here to write about the wrongs others have bestowed upon me, but to write about the learnings i have taken from their hurts, their actions and our encounters together.
i am here to write. i have known it since i was little. i know it now. and i will forever know it.
now i just need to do it.
"You own everything that happened to you.
Tell your stories.
If people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should have behaved better."
~ Anne Lamott
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